Young Children Get Stressed, Too!!!
If your young child is having more frequent or more intense melt-downs at home, or is frequently getting upset over little things that aren’t normally a concern, he/she may be experiencing stress. Adults often think that children only need supports in place if the child has experienced a significant loss (i.e. moving, divorce, death), but children often feel significant stress in “typical” situations as well, such as: Every child has a different threshold for the demands of the day (i.e. being told what to do, completing academic work, peer conflict, having to wait to use the bathroom or to eat when hungry, etc.) Your child’s melt-downs or upsets could be a release of just keeping up with daily demands.
The following are some general tips for helping your child to DE-STRESS:
1. Manage YOUR stress first! Even when you think that you are handling your stress outside of the view of your child, your child is picking up on small changes in your body language, behavior, voice, level of patience, etc. These changes can be unsettling to a child, and the child will sometimes become stressed and act out as well. Your child is often a “barometer” of the family’s stress level, especially if you have a sensitive child.
2. Temporarily remove all “non-essentials” from your schedule. Many parents think that they are denying their child opportunities for skill development if they are not involved in extra-curricular activities. Actually, depending on the child’s threshold and other activities of the day, extra-curricular activities can be very stress-inducing for young children because it puts additional demands on their self-control when they haven’t had a chance to re-charge their systems after a day at school or daycare. Not only is the child not mentally available to learn the new skills anyway, but the constant adult directions to follow more rules (i.e. get necessary materials for activity, hurry to eat or get in car to go, pay attention, stop moving around, stop making noise, etc.) causes even more stress for both parent and child. A mellow afternoon or evening in the backyard may be just as beneficial, if not more so.
3. Allow time for free play! Along a similar line as item #2, research indicates that free play is tremendously beneficial (and necessary) for young children. Did you know that pretend play with other children not only allows children a time to de-compress, but it actually develops cognitive functioning...AND executive functioning?! Holding a play scheme in one’s working memory while integrating and adjusting the scheme based on other children’s ideas and actions actually helps to develop the self-control that we are hoping that they for school and home!
4. Make naturally “emotionally regulating” tools available for your child.
If your young child is having more frequent or more intense melt-downs at home, or is frequently getting upset over little things that aren’t normally a concern, he/she may be experiencing stress. Adults often think that children only need supports in place if the child has experienced a significant loss (i.e. moving, divorce, death), but children often feel significant stress in “typical” situations as well, such as: Every child has a different threshold for the demands of the day (i.e. being told what to do, completing academic work, peer conflict, having to wait to use the bathroom or to eat when hungry, etc.) Your child’s melt-downs or upsets could be a release of just keeping up with daily demands.
The following are some general tips for helping your child to DE-STRESS:
1. Manage YOUR stress first! Even when you think that you are handling your stress outside of the view of your child, your child is picking up on small changes in your body language, behavior, voice, level of patience, etc. These changes can be unsettling to a child, and the child will sometimes become stressed and act out as well. Your child is often a “barometer” of the family’s stress level, especially if you have a sensitive child.
2. Temporarily remove all “non-essentials” from your schedule. Many parents think that they are denying their child opportunities for skill development if they are not involved in extra-curricular activities. Actually, depending on the child’s threshold and other activities of the day, extra-curricular activities can be very stress-inducing for young children because it puts additional demands on their self-control when they haven’t had a chance to re-charge their systems after a day at school or daycare. Not only is the child not mentally available to learn the new skills anyway, but the constant adult directions to follow more rules (i.e. get necessary materials for activity, hurry to eat or get in car to go, pay attention, stop moving around, stop making noise, etc.) causes even more stress for both parent and child. A mellow afternoon or evening in the backyard may be just as beneficial, if not more so.
3. Allow time for free play! Along a similar line as item #2, research indicates that free play is tremendously beneficial (and necessary) for young children. Did you know that pretend play with other children not only allows children a time to de-compress, but it actually develops cognitive functioning...AND executive functioning?! Holding a play scheme in one’s working memory while integrating and adjusting the scheme based on other children’s ideas and actions actually helps to develop the self-control that we are hoping that they for school and home!
4. Make naturally “emotionally regulating” tools available for your child.
- The opportunity to move fast: running, scooters, bikes, etc.
- The opportunity to be outside in nature.
- Calming music—try different types to see what works for your child. Classical tends to stimulate the mind, jazz tends to relax the mind.
- Sensory activities: playdoh, sand play, swimming, bubble baths, crunching leaves outside, cutting colored paper, coloring, etc.
- The opportunity to cuddle and just be together, without an agenda.
5. Provide your child with consistent routines and clear expectations regarding what will happen each day. Visual schedules are very helpful (lists for older children, pictures for younger children), as well as simple prompts of what to expect before things happen (i.e. FIRST ___, THEN___). If your child struggles with a particular part of the day, you can even make a simple story about what your child can expect.
6. Make sure you allow for plenty of rest! Too often we short-change our child’s sleep in order to fit in all of the things we want to do or think that we should be doing.
For more information on child stress symptoms and additional strategies for a “stressed out” child, check out http://nasponline.org/families.
This informational sheet is for general purposes. There are other possible causes of the above symptoms (i.e. increased melt-downs), and there are other recommendations that may be necessary depending on your child’s needs. Please consult your pediatrician, as well as a trained mental health professional, if you are concerned regarding your child’s behavior.